We held our last FST meeting on Tuesday (today is Thursday). After receiving updates from the various therapists that the family is receiving, the recommendation was made to begin trial home placement on May 23rd--next Wednesday--after school is released for a half-day. It was a good FST meeting. Looking back, we've had some tense ones that have generally gotten easier and better. This one was almost more of a celebration to where we've gotten in the case. The kids' guardian ad litem was thrilled to see their progress.
After agreeing on the trial home placement, we walked through logistics where Jackie and Grant reiterated again that they would be willing to both let us babysit the children but also have phone calls in the interim period to help Ezekiel with his processing. They offered to read the book that they put together for the kids again (a third time) to help him process. I felt okay coming out of the FST. The team reaffirmed what will happen as trial home placement begins: children's division will stay involved for likely about 2 months to ensure things are going okay, the CPS program that the kids are in due to Ashley being so young will remain in place for another 5-7 months and move into "Phase 2" of the program, Ezekiel will continue to remain in counseling and see his regular counselor, and the family will remain in family counseling for a while. This is good news and shows the supports the family has in place. This doesn't include their safety team and church support. The only real recommendation came from the FST was to have Grant continue to have support and understanding for not playing too rough with Ezekiel--and working on when to begin to stop. Otherwise, all was completely positive and forward thinking. Now that we are a day past the FST meeting, how do I feel? I feel okay about it but recognize that it makes me sad because I do love the kids. I've also been preoccupied with the various things that need to take place in my life: seminary class deadlines and work deadlines. There's definitely no advice or thoughts on how to balance the reunification of foster kids and the rest of life (work, relationships, etc) in foster care training. ha! The lack of training/knowledge of how to balance this is kicking me in the behind right now, too! Brittney's mom got Ezekiel some superhero toys (Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Superman) that he received Tuesday evening. He was excited about it and woke up Wednesday (yesterday) 35 minutes early to make sure he could play with them. After breakfast, he was ready to play with them. Now, I'm usually not home for breakfast time--but Ezekiel is (1) never fast in the mornings and (2) rarely if ever has time to play. It was interesting to me that he not only made sure he hurried to get time to play, but again--he wanted the quality time (me playing as Batman, he has Wonder Woman) together. Since he had extra time, before he played with his superheroes, he hopped in the laundry basket like he did almost a full year ago. Last night, I compared the pictures--one year apart. I didn't know hardly anything about him and wasn't attached to him.....and now....he sat in the basket with the same goofy smile, much more comfortable and happy. He's such a good kid. Ashley has been hilarious at night time. Probably all babies are like this, but she loves seeing herself on video or even getting her picture taken so she can see herself in the camera. She gets so worked up by just sitting on our bed as we make funny faces at her and do "Patty Cake" or anything else. Each day, she looks more like a toddler. In some ways, I feel with Ashley a "double-wammy" type of a punch to the gut with her leaving. We are experiencing the growth of a baby into a toddler on top of the loss we'll experience when they go home. In some ways, it's the same with Ezekiel. When he came into our home, his verbal skills were not great and he was (rightfully so) timid. Now, we've seen him develop into a boy who can read, continues to be more of an extrovert, and loves sharing stories about his day. As I conclude this post, I want to thank and recognize the support we've had from Brittney and my families. Whether our parents, aunts/uncles or cousins, they have fully supported our decision to invest in children and have worked hard to build relationships with the kids. I won't ever forget the warm feeling that it felt early on in the case when the kids were doing phone calls with their parents once or twice per week. Of course, Brittney or I would walk on the phone to our parents at about the same timeframe. Ezekiel would spend more time talking to Brittney's or my parents than his own. Whether that was the novelty (newness) or some other reason, I don't know. What I do know is that it proves that the impact they've had on his life is significant and important. Thank you guys for pouring into the kids in a selfless way. What's next? I have a feeling the next week will go by fast. The countdown of days sleeping in our house is now (counting today) at 4 days. It has been a few days since I've gotten real emotional. There is so much that I will miss--but the lesson that I want to share today is what I will miss about having kids in the home. Kids are a wonderful "check" on you as an adult. Kids keep your habits and thoughts under control. Do you want to watch this TV show in front of a 6-year old? Do you want to listen to that in front of your baby? Should you be eating that snack which will have the 6-year old asking if he can have one? Your language, tone, demeanor, and how you conduct yourself is watched and monitored in a way that is purposeful as children become themselves. My lesson is that while being on your "best behavior" as a parent is difficult, these kids have made me realize and prioritize what's important. I want to be the best example for my children--whether I have them for 1 year, 1 week, or 18+ years. I didn't fully realize the extent that children soak up what they see you--as their parental figure--doing until these kids. Whether being a parent or foster parent, it is truly a humbling experience. Until next time, thank you for reading!
1 Comment
Kelly
5/17/2018 08:20:52 am
Sadly I wish your revelation would happen to MORE adults in this world.... I think the world would be better off.....
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AuthorHallsville resident. Foster Parent. School board member. Politico. Jesus Follower. Cardinals Fan #MizzouMade Archives
February 2019
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