Brittney and I have been "empty-nesters" for five nights now. The first few days, we kept very busy in an effort to not dwell too much on the the transition but to be present with those who are close to us. While we've kept busy, we are beginning to slow down a bit and begin the final processing from an emotional perspective.
What does it feel like? Probably the comparison that is most fitting is that of an "empty nester." It's this combination of wanting to give space, wanting to know how it's going, but also wanting to physically see and be with the loved one who has left your home. Similar to being an empty-nester, Brittney and I have had to, in some ways, find purpose again. What did we do before Ezekiel and Ashley were in our lives? What do we do now that we are home alone in the evenings? What habits do we get back in to? Brittney found herself, for example, completely ready for work on Thursday morning about 30 minutes faster than she needed to be. As an adult, the pace of our getting ready in the mornings can slow back down--it's an adjustment. ha! I must admit for me...who likes to be busy and not be "introspective" or to actually deal with the emotions that I'm feeling....the quietness is a bit eerie. I've done some of the things I had put on hold: organizing some baseball cards in my online database, cleaned the inside of my car, and have caught up on all of the television I have recorded. Now, to figure out what to do next. One of the things I will do/take up at least during my workouts will be to watch The West Wing--a show that I never got in to but have been told I would enjoy. More introspectiveness in a minute. We heard from Jackie on Friday that things were going well (so good to hear!) and then we got a text on Saturday (yesterday) that said Ezekiel was missing us and would love to video chat. We've of course been on the sending-end of these---but never on the receiving end. Ezekiel asked to see us, Sheldon (our cat), his room, his toy box, and things like that. It's hard to keep a 6-year old's attention on video chat. It was so good to see Ezekiel and Ashley (who was trying to climb up next to him) face to face. It definitely makes our hearts warm to know he was thinking about us still--and that we were given the opportunity to see and talk to him. As I think about the last year from an introspective and emotional perspective--I focus on the experiences, where God is in it all, and how the kids and their parents impacted my life. First: the experiences. I'll never forget how nervous/scared I was to have a baby in our home. Remember, we learned on the fly--we had never had a baby in our house before. Thinking about how clueless/inept both Brittney and I were....makes me smile. Like any new parent, you just learn from what works and what doesn't in getting a baby to stop crying, eat, and sleep as needed. From Ezekiel's perspective--I wondered this: what can I do to connect or relate to him? Once we found the things he liked, I could connect much easier: Paw Patrol, Blue's Clues, baseball, frisbee, basketball, running, and being his outgoing self (like me). That's how you bond--finding and enjoying each other's interests. Second, where is God in it all? I've talked at length about this in various ways but there's always more. For example: About 6-months before Ezekiel and Ashley came into our lives, we had to put down our family cat who was a stray that had been in our lives since our first year of marriage. The cat's name was Reeses. After we put her down due to cancer, one of our close friends, Phil and Vesta, gave us a stuffed animal cat that looked like Reeses. At the time, we laughed, smiled, and had no idea what we were going to do with this stuffed animal other than that she would remind us of how she was the best cat ever. Then Ezekiel came into our lives. The stuffed cat Reeses was taken to school no less than 4 times (probably more!) on show-and-tell or bring-a-toy-to-school day and often self-described as Ezekiel's favorite stuffed animal--Reeses. Reeses was the cause of conversation about heaven, death of animals, and friends with Ezekiel. When we transitioned the kids home, it was only right that Reeses go with his new owner: Ezekiel. Our God is an awesome God and I fully believe that He was behind Phil and Vesta's purchase and gift to us. Neither they or us knew the significance behind the Reeses stuffed animal until Ezekiel entered our lives. How did the kids and their parents impact our lives? There isn't enough ink or time to note everything. Kids by themselves are one of the best ways to keep you (as a human) humble and to keep your pride from taking over. Things that come to mind about the kids impacting me are examples like when our days began getting more limited--Ezekiel would have rather spent quality time with us than play on the iPad (his favorite other activity!). What did we learn from Ashley? Babies teach us about dependence on others but once independence is discovered---you can't take that back! Babies teach us about the importance of food, love, trust in life. As I've visited with friends and family about our experience, I'm constantly asked about Jackie and Grant's progress, changes, and life. So many foster experiences aren't like ours. I would also submit that many are. What have Brittney and I learned from them? We've learned and been taught so much about grace, forgiveness, trust, resisting judgement of one another (as humans in general), working together for parental advice for the kids, and the importance of support around us as individuals. This journey has been an unforgettable one. The chapter with the kids being a part of our daily lives has closed but our journey as part of the community surrounding Jackie/Grant and the kids is just beginning. Will I miss the days and even get emotional about the transition of the kids from our household at times? Absolutely. That said, will I be joyful everyday that the kiddos are with their family again? Absolutely. Brittney and I have been so grateful for those who have followed, supported, and been a part of this journey. I hope the stories, lessons, anecdotes, and emotions that we have felt have connected in some way with each of you. Thank you for reading, the comments, thoughts, and prayers for each of us involved in this transition. While I didn't and can't reply to all of them--they didn't go unnoticed or unread. This chapter closes. I anxiously await God's next chapter in Ezekiel, Ashley, Jackie, and Grant's lives and in Brittney and my lives. Until next time, Thank you for reading.
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AuthorHallsville resident. Foster Parent. School board member. Politico. Jesus Follower. Cardinals Fan #MizzouMade Archives
February 2019
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