I'm so blessed. My day was filled with friends from work and church checking on me--empathizing the kids moving back home tomorrow.
I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to feel as we put the kids to bed tonight. I described it to friends today as trying to not set myself up for any false feelings. I'm just trying to live it. Enjoy it. Tear up when needed and moved. Being strong when otherwise not. I don't know any other way. The morning was the epitome of a normal morning routine for us. Ashley was a cheese-ball. Ezekiel was super sleepy and slow to get moving. Afternoon pickup from Little Indians wasn't super eventful other either, Ezekiel was playing on Holly's phone---she was clearly enjoying some of her last time with him, too. Ashley had a doctors appointment and was picked up earlier in the day. We met the kids' parents at the Primary School Celebration and completed the entire game card! Ezekiel was pumped to get popcorn (one of his favorite snacks!) and his prize bag. Of course, we got home about 30 minutes after both kids are normally in bed---but we weren't going to rush the bedtime routine. It was fun and good seeing his teachers and the staff one last time. I'm grateful for what they've poured into his life. We soaked in giving Ashley her last bath with us, making her laugh, splash, and she was gnawing on her toothbrush--clearly a sign of her teeth still bothering her. That brought memories back of her first teeth coming in for me. Ezekiel's bathtime was hurried by just showering and not taking a bath but he didn't fight it. We read books. He insisted the first book be going through the memory book that Holly gave him. It has truly become our tradition of the last few weeks when we read books. He then picked a Paw Patrol book (one of the first books we got him from the Scholastic book order form) from the beginning of the school year. Talk about being and making me feel nostalgic, kid. Then, I picked the last book--a Mercer Mayer book. We prayed, hugged, and did the rest of the normal routine. I felt sad, but he was tired so it helped hurry things along. We fed Ashley some milk from her sippy cup and just watched her. The hardest point of the night came as she finished her sippy cup. She gets really giddy and happy, but she stopped and made eye contact with me for probably 5 seconds. Dagger through the heart. I felt it was her saying: I love you, but it's going to be okay. That's what I'm going to tell myself at least. The connection and vibe was real, though. We put her down and kind of.....well...don't know how to feel. It will be a weird day tomorrow. Today, in some ways, was strange. A feeling of sadness for my loss, excitement for their family, proud of the kids and their parents, the uncertainty of not knowing or having something that will fill my time beginning tomorrow night, and feelings of thankfulness just for them to be in our lives. That brings me to who I want to thank. It may sound corny and goofy--but I want to be thankful today for the kids themselves--Ezekiel and Ashley. They have changed us and those around us for the better. While this journey isn't easy, predictable, or smooth---it changes lives. Ours. Theirs. Their parents. Our friends. Our families. Created new friendships. I was in a conversation recently and we were talking about the future. I had asked the person where they saw themselves in five years. They answered and turned the question back on me. What these kids have taught me is that predicting five years from now is a fun exercise but also somewhat useless. The answer to his question back to me was really this: I never would have thought or predicted 5 years ago that I would have answered a call to ministry as a vocation or open my home to foster children. Life is about the lessons we learn, the people we impact, the love we are able to share, and in my faith tradition to grow in closeness to God. Thanks to Ezekiel and Ashley, I have grown and done things I never would have imagined just 54 weeks ago. Thanks, kiddos--you have forever changed Brittney and I's lives. Until tomorrow, thank you for reading. Craig PS--I may or may not get a blog up tomorrow---transition day---. It may be Thursday before I get it up. We are going to stay busy tomorrow afternoon/evening.
1 Comment
Nancy Bagge
5/23/2018 09:16:29 am
God bless you as you have blessed their lives! The memories you have made are priceless treasures! So proud of the self-less love you have provided for the kids and our church! ❤️
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AuthorHallsville resident. Foster Parent. School board member. Politico. Jesus Follower. Cardinals Fan #MizzouMade Archives
February 2019
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