After another weekend hiatus, I wanted to get a blog out. There's been lots of things going on.
First, we had another weekend kids-free. These are odd. It's quiet but we know they are coming back in a day or two---so their rooms are still their stuff. In preparation for the Sunday and transition week, after brief cleaning and preparations for the party on Sunday (yesterday), Brittney and I just....vegged out. We watched movies, relaxed, and I fully admit it was probably to make myself feel numb to save mental and emotional energy. Sunday was a marathon of a day. I preached in Chesterfield and participated in graduation in Hallsville. Then, I came home and helped finish getting ready for the party. On Sunday evening, we had a celebration/send-off/birthday for Ezekiel and Ashley. One emotional part was the excitement on Ashley's face as she saw me for the first time in two days---and the sadness that she expressed by crying when I handed her off to my mom to even just go change clothes. Of course, she gets over it pretty quickly---but it shows our bond and that she cares about me. I love that little girl more than she ever will understand. I've said it before and I'll say it again--she's my buddy and always will be. The party was our way to invite friends and family who have walked alongside us for one last party. We couldn't do this without our support system and it was an awesome evening. We had family, school friends, preschool friends, and church friends all come and celebrate the kids with us. We also invited and had Jackie and Grant (the kids' parents) attend. It was a great time. I won't bore you with specifics of what happened, but I will share the debriefing comments that Brittney and I had to teach other. That's probably more insightful than anything. We discussed that having the celebration is something that Ezekiel will never forget--he spent every minute of his 2+ hour celebration on a big inflatable blowup that we set up. He was so happy to have his friends, the inflatable, and a hot dog party all at the same time. For no other reason, in a bit of a selfish act---we needed the party for us. We needed to see Ezekiel and Ashley one more time with the people who have supported and walked alongside us. The most emotional part of the evening was when one of his friends was asking me if I was Ezekiel's parents and if he was staying with me forever. I basically explained that I was his "foster" parent and that meant that Ezekiel was able to live with me and I was filling in for his dad while his parents went to school--but that this parents were finished and he would be going back home with them. Then, I would become Ezekiel's "friend" just like he was. Heartbreaking. I felt like I took the innocence and childhood from his friend.....I got "real" with him.....quickly. We weren't super emotional after the party--Brittney and I just wanted to debrief the day and experience. Brittney said it was encouraging to see Jackie and Grant let us parent Ezekiel and Ashley, and Brittney being inside, had the ability to have many more conversations with them than myself, who was posted outside. I was a little emotional on Sunday morning driving to Chesterfield to guest preach. Being alone is probably not a good thing for me in the next several days. Listening to the lyrics to music would often remind me of the kids. The plan for the next few days has been mapped out and Brittney will get to say her "goodbyes" Wednesday morning. I'll drop them off at the preschool before, so Brittney's goodbye isn't as rushed in drop-off at the preschool. I'll pick the kids up and take them to Columbia to their parents' apartment early in the afternoon--where that will be my goodbye. Ezekiel is clearly processing. His prayers have been short and still thanking God for PJ Masks and Blues Clues (read back in previous posts to understand full story). His teacher gave him a gift of PJ Masks stuff made from a cricut (and they look awesome!). Ezekiel has requested to wear the Owlette shirt two-days in a row (2nd day is tomorrow). He instructed Brittney to make sure the other shirts (Catboy and Gekko) make it to his parents so that he doesn't forget to take them there. He knows and is processing the changes. He can't and doesn't verbalize how he's processing.....but he is. Today, I want to "thank" all of Ezekiel's friends that he's made throughout the last year. Ezekiel is our little connector and networker. Ezekiel has rarely met a stranger and never met a stranger who is similar in age-range...he's friends with them all. He shamelessly calls kids the wrong name (but calls them by A name) -- because he wants so desperately to be included and be the includer of a group of kids. Making friends as a child is so much easier than an adult---but the realness and humbleness in my heart is received at each invitation Ezekiel has received: an invitation to spend the night, a birthday invitation, an invite to spend Saturday with his friends and then to reciprocate it. Each invitation and friend has meant so much to him. It's heartbreaking to think about the love from his friends that he's received. To be honest--and not to get too theological with you--I see Christ's love for all of us in the friendship between his friends and Ezekiel. It's incredible, makes me speechless, and brings me to tears in this very moment. Thanks to each of you--Ezekiel's friends. And thank you to each of his friends' parents who have done nothing but encouraged that friendship---knowing that this time would likely come. The lesson that I would share with you today is to take photos as your family unit as often as possible. As we wind down our time with the kids...now in our final few days, we realize that we don't have many photos of us as a family unit (us as foster parents + the kids) together in one single photo. Naturally, we take pictures of our kids or with our spouse/kids but not as a unit unless it's a big occasion. We've had the kids a year and I think we have now 3 total photos with all of us in them--and 2 of them were taken with timers from our iPhones! It may seem silly because kids grow up quickly and are constantly changing. While fostering is different because of the uncertainty virtually at all of the time---all of us can relate to things that can go unexpectedly in families and doing this will help prevent a small regret in the case of those unexpected things. This is one lesson that I hope to take with me into future foster care placements and that I think we can all learn from. How am I holding up? I'm doing okay I guess. I'm admittedly more emotional, need to be around people, less motivated to do the things that I should be doing and trying to focus on me. Basically--all of that to say I admit and confess that I've been and will be selfish for the next several days. Forgive me and give me grace if I am short or don't seem quite like myself. Brittney and I continue to be humbled by your responses, love, comments, remarks that these blogs touch and impact your life. Thank you for living this journey alongside us. Until next time, thank you for reading. Craig
1 Comment
A great training experience as you live out what the Holy Spirit has invited you to.be in this journey you are on. Sure, many memories. fash a across my spa e. In closing, I tha k my Vod on thinking of you during your time theives of 2 vulnerable children. And! what they have taught you. Blessings.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorHallsville resident. Foster Parent. School board member. Politico. Jesus Follower. Cardinals Fan #MizzouMade Archives
February 2019
Categories |